2016 did not suck, ok???

To everyone complaining that this was the worst year ever. Was it really? Every year people get excited as the new year approaches ready to exit the previous year. Look, if anyone can complain about 2016, it could possibly be me. I started and ended the year getting dumped by the same dude! Sure, the election bit, I mean, we were handed the worst of the worst and ended up with the worser of the worst. The economy isn't really what they claim, much of America is living below the poverty line and the world is at so many meaningless wars over fossil fuel and futile demands for power.

Was 2016 the worst? Really, was it the very worst?

I spent the first six months of 2016 in agony. I was dumped, and dumped, and made up with and dumped, I was trying to get through my senior year of college as a very senior non-traditional student, my son was on the verge of 14 and oozing with puberty and my workload was extraordinarily challenging. My health has been teetering, I'm going through peri-menopause and everything inside me is out of whack.

So what? Really, so what? In the first teachings of buddhism, there's the Four Noble Truths and you know what the first one is? In life there is suffering. Yup, Siddharta say... Life Sucks! Ok that's the first noble truth. That's the reality. Life always has suckage. Life is full of suffering.

What I know is from my greatest struggles, my biggest pain and my hardest challenges come life's sweetest rewards. I learn so much and grow exponentially when I'm going through the hard stuff. The last couple of weeks have been agonizing. Going through finals while the same dude who comes and goes decides to dump me by text while I'm sitting on his steps going to meet him to celebrate the 3 year anniversary of our first date with my son and his bestie in tow. Talk about humiliating! (he never broke up with me in person by the way.. he feels his electronic tirade of abuse is closure enough)

And did I mention Grad School sucks so bad! I mean, it's hard, challenging, in the mix of normal life, time consuming and the material is well... it's not the joyous fun undergrad was at all. Right now I'm looking ahead at a 20 page paper I need to write this month before going back to school after break. Ugh.

Plus, my work stuff is at the winter stand still, and I have a few jobs to finish up and who knows what January will look like.

You know what?

SO WHAT! So what?

When I look back at 2016, I can see a lot to celebrate. I overcame many of the challenges and hardships I faced the first six months of 2016. My son and I had a break over the summer, and he came home a grown up more present teenager who appreciates me and his life here. I finished a novella for my senior project which was cathartic and emotional and personal. I dug deep into my pain and wrote a fictional tale that pulled the pain out of me and created a powerful accomplished 90 page piece. I graduated from college, not just any college, I got a BARD COLLEGE degree, class of 2016. It was the greatest personal success of my life. Sure, my wedding day was special, the birth of my son unimaginably amazing but.. this was different. My graduation day was mine, it was something I did for me despite my parent's criticism and all the odds against me, I did it, I got my degree! My guy and I got back together for one last time, and the last six months of 2016 with him were idyllic, dreamy, special and wonderful. Whatever the outcome, I got to love and feel love and supported. I had a person who backed me up for a while, and now I know more than ever what I want for my future.

I could be wallowing, depressed and drowning my sorrows in a pile of self medication and junk food. Instead, I'm celebrating me, liberated, beautiful, growing pains, digging in, learning, warrior me. This year, it's about kicking back and enjoying the deliciousness of life, the beautiful winter, carving up turns on the slopes, and mingling with new and old friends. Instead of isolating, I am going to go forth, go to my yoga classes, socialize, make plans, reach out and connect.

Life sucks, so what? Everyone has suffering in their life. I know my tough times got the best of my earlier this year and from those mistakes, challenges, and efforts I've learned a lot about me.

For the first time in a while, I feel really content, at ease, liberated and happy. It took me a long time to let go of what doesn't serve me, but right now... letting go feels good. There's no reason to make room for the things that cause me anguish, that bring me down and I'm not responsible for fixing other people's toxic problems.

This holiday season, I did something kind of fun, I donated and sent anonymous gifts out to all sorts of places. A few things I did? I sent donations to charities I care about, sent hats to the local elementary school to give to kids who need warm stuff, gave a turkey to a family that didn't have one for Thanksgiving, sent dog toys and blankets to the local shelter just to name a few, sent presents to friends who are far away that I thought might be surprised and that's the tip of the iceberg. Giving and giving when I really am hardly in the position to felt amazing. Knowing that I don't have to see the response, but that I made people out there happy by standing in generosity felt so good.

There's a lot to celebrate this holiday. My son is home with me and wants to be! We are closer than we've been in a long time. The house is getting super cleaned (we dumped a ton of stuff the past two days and we're not done), I got us a tree (better late than never) and Santa let me know he'll be here on Saturday night. Yay!

We may not have a lot of financial security or a dude in the house, but we have each other, we're giggling and there's lots of snow on the mountain. 2017 will be about finishing my grad school degree, taking care of my health and my heart, raising my amazing son, looking to the future and taking a good laugh at the Donald (because, when you stop being angry and just look at it, he's hilarious).

Every year is good and ever year sucks, ok? 2016 was pretty beat energetically and the election cycle definitely fucked up a lot for a lot of people's equanimity. Oh well, so be it. Time to look ahead at what's in my backyard and what matters most. I have a lot of love in my life, and I adore all the people who we pull close to us. It's ok I don't have a bio family, or a man... I've got a lot of abundance and whatever... some other dude will come along when the dust settles, I have a lot to offer and a huge heart right?

Happy Holidays y'all.