useless

I find no matter how much I grow…. I tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over and over. I fall into the same patterns, learned lessons repeated. Are we truly creatures of habit?

In my most recent course of events of late, I'd have to reply with a resounding yes.

Over the past few months, I've made these great strides in my personal spirituality. I started up a new mantra, "I am cleansing my Karma." I thought it was working. The "I am cleansing my Karma" chant brought my close friendship with my ex-husband back, improved my parenting skills, helped me to turn away the wrong men, improve my friendships, stimulated my work and helped me to find peace in being alone, all sorts of good things.

Yeah…yet…somehow…. I've taken a great leap forward, only to take two steps backwards all over again.

Is all the advice I've gotten from friends, that self-help coaching just a big load of crap? I'm beginning to think it is. For the reality is…we are creatures of habit. There's no escaping who we are, and while we do evolve, we really don't change that much.

While I've grown a little wiser, I still make the same choices and put myself in the same predicaments over and over.

So if this is the case, that I am in fact the same person going through these same life experiences – how do I improve the quality of life I seek? Or is it inevitable that my universe will constantly spin around the same predicaments over and over. I see my life like a big washing machine, the window on the front door shows all my colorful clothes spinning around in the sudsy water, getting a little cleaner, but I'm still waiting and I'll still have to stick them in the dryer, and fold them, and put them away, a never-ending chore.

All I can do is keep learning from my actions.

Maybe one day, I'll just make a totally different choice and switch it all up. But frankly…I think at this moment, it's all pretty Useless.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Useless by Depeche Mode

Well it's about time
It's beginning to hurt
Time you made up your mind
Just what is it all worth

All my useless advice
All my hanging around
All your cutting down to size
All my bringing you down

Watch the clock on the wall
Feel the slowing of time
Hear a voice in the hall
Echoing in my mind

All your stupid ideals
You've got your head in the clouds
You should see how it feels
With your feet on the ground

Here I stand the accused
With your fist in my face
Feeling tired and bruised
With the bitterest taste

All my useless advice
All my hanging around
All your cutting down to size
All my bringing you down

All your stupid ideals
You've got your head in the clouds
You should see how it feels
With your feet on the ground