Thursday, May 8, 2008

dipping my toes in the experience pool

The past few weeks have been a whirling unending episode of the Twilight Zone. Without making too much effort, I've been following the rabbit down the rabbit hole… into my own twisted experience.

To identify the beginning of this journey, I'd have to reflect back to 50+ days ago, the day before I stopped drinking. From this point on, it's been a whirlwind of psychic experiences and interpersonal moments that are filing themselves into a completely new set of memory files in my brain.

Moving upstate was a conscious effort to run away from many things. To try and create a new uncomplicated life that is as Drama Free as possible.

Despite my best efforts, my heart continues to dance to a beat of longing and confusion that just won't go away.

I make this concerted effort to isolate myself, be in my own skin and breathe my own air. I want to have the least complicated life, and live simply – eat, breathe, sleep, work, support my little family, be a mommy and function.

Despite my best efforts, I keep dipping my toe into the experience pool. What happens when I dive in head first?

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