When I got home from my very eventful weekend, I barely had the energy to stand. I lit a few candles, climbed into bed and passed out. Apparently I slept through about seven phone calls. I must have been extremely exhausted, because I'm not the heaviest sleeper.
But this crazy summer storm just rolled in, and awoke me with the loudest crashes of thunder I've ever heard!
Upon awakening, I was taken aback by one of the most intense summer storms I've ever witnessed. The sky strobed profusely with an onslaught of lightening overhead. The storm carried with it electrical clouds casting out lightening in every direction. Thunder was blasting directly over my house. If you could see this storm from my porch, you'd be looking through the branches of evergreen trees that must be hundreds of years old.
The sheer power and intensity of the flashing lightening and deafening thunder was miraculous and unbelievable.
I love summer storms. They evoke so many emotions. As they water the grass, the flowers, the trees, and cool the earth…. they also cleanse my soul.
On my drive back upstate today, "What I Be" by Michael Franti & Spearhead came on my iPod. I've owned this for sometime, but not sure I ever really listened to the lyrics as clearly as I did today. What a powerful song, and indicative of how I am feeling this week.
As my quest for clarity moves forward, I've begun to take an inventory of the person I am.
I am a very passionate woman. This is far from a new discovery. I am self-aware that my passion is the driving force for every action I take. Going back to my earliest journals, one can read countless pages about how I rule my life with my passion. There are a host of entries in my teens into my early twenties where I come to the realization that I must live my life by following my gut. That when I think something out too much, I destroy the opportunity. In my life, the "go for it" attitude has dictated just about every decision I've made in love, career and big life choices. Rarely do I think things through before taking action. I get an idea that sticks to the walls of my heart, and that's where I follow.
My passion is a giant. It governs a world where magical things do happen.
It is also overwhelming, and repels some of the things I want most.
In choosing the people I surround myself with, I find that I am drawn solely to those who also rule themselves with a life of passion. In looking around me at the people who make me feel a sense of kinship, they are extremely passionate souls. My heart is always drawn to a person of deep unending passion.
My friends are the most amazingly passionate people, with a capacity to love that exceeds well beyond most others on this planet.
In my downfall over the past few years, I've controlled this fire and light inside me by squashing it with chemicals and toxins. I've denied my heart and my ability to follow my gut by polluting myself. I've attracted so many wrong people, toxic souls, and pushed myself into a lonely corner. When I look back to where I was, I feel such a great sense of relief to discover that my effervescent light still shines. And lately, it's like lighthouse bright, beaconing boats to turn before they hit rocks and Me!
Like the lightening storm that just consumed me, my passion can be intense, overwhelming, massive, electrical and strobe through the others around me in a way that can over take and conquer.
Back to the drive home…so I'm listening to "What I Be" and really absorbing the lyrics. I play it like seven times in a row. I picture myself a tree making the sweetest fruit, and pulling in love and bringing people Ice Cream on a sunny hot day…and thought of what a gift my passion and heart both are. Because, I strive to be a great many of those things. I work hard to be that gift, and I remember back to a time when I felt so much this way… before my life got so complicated, before my problems got so colossal, and before I let myself dive down that dark hole.
So now I need to learn my heart again. If I am to continue feeling every emotion I have, and feel love, pain, joy, anger, frustration, lust, excitement and my passion so strongly, I must work now to find the tools to control these things. I must learn to connect to my heart differently now, because I've disconnected from it for such a long time.
I am an extremely passionate woman. In my quest for balance, love and clarity…I must also learn to be the master of my own passion and not let it become a storm that overtakes everything in its path.
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What I be by Michael Franti & Spearhead.....
If I could be the sun
I'd radiate like Africa and
Smile upon the world
Intergalactic love laughter and
If I were the rains, I'd wash away the whole world's pain and
Bring the gift of cool like ice cream trucks on sunny days and
If I was the earth I'd be like mountains bountiful
And if I were the sky so high, I'd be like wind invincible and
If I could be a seed, I would give birth to redwood trees and
If I were the trees, I'd generate the freshest air to breathe in
What I be, is what I be
What I be, is what I be
well, well, well, movin on!
well, well, well, movin on!
Do you love someone? Do you love somebody?
Love that one!
If I could be the leaves, then like jade I would stay evergreen and
Spread my limbs out wide and pull love so close to me and
If I could the roots, I would dig deep like ancestry and
If were the fruits, you'd make the sweetest cherry pie from me and
If I could be the night, my moon replace all electric lights and
Magic music would transmit from outer space on satellites
If I myself could be the ocean, you would feel emotion all the time and
If I were the words, then everything that everybody said would rhyme
What I be, is what I be
What I be, is what I be
well, well, well, movin on!
well, well, well, movin on!
Do you love someone? Do you love somebody?
Love that one!
If I could be sex my words would protect
I'd be in the lives of all who connect
What the heck, I'd make it so we all got selected
pores would be dripping pure hot intellect and
The minds of the masses would all stay erect and
Then just for kicks, I'd mail out some checks
Addressed to those who sent their used latex in
Yes, that's what I would if I were sex
If I could be you, you could be me
I could be you, you could be me
I could walk a mile in your shoes.....
And you could walk a mile in my bare feet
What I be, is what I be
What I be, is what I be
well, well, well, movin on!
well, well, well, movin on!
Do you love someone? Do you love somebody?
Love that one!
Here's some cool video I found on YouTube that is inspired by the very same lyrics!!!
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