Full Circle

Often times, I look at life as a circular experience. Without a doubt, these past few weeks have been a series of events, where different pieces of my life have come... Full Circle.

I'm not much of an expert on Numerology, but they have a belief that depending on the year, you experience certain things, year 1... all new, year 9... fully grown, etc...

Last year, I often felt very much like I did the year that I turned 29. Ten years ago, I was on the verge of my life. My career became a career...I was about to get out of the slutty silly dating pool I was in and dive head first into a relationship with my husband, and I was about to grow up and transform from girl to Woman. And I did.

So if last year was 29, am I repeating 30 this year? Man I hope so. 30 was one of the absolute BEST years of my life. It was the year I hit the Zenith of my career, that Lester and I got married, that we got the best apartment in Brooklyn and just everything came together for me. If the concept of Numerology is truly real, then I am coming full circle in my numbers cycle.

Over the past few weeks, I've come face to face with many things that were left forgotten in my past. People, places and things that have put an impression on my personality and my life have stepped back into my life again. Even if the moment is a short one, I've come to terms and had closure with so many experiences in my life the past few weeks.

As a 20-something person, I felt so invincible and never thought about consequences, regrets, or how my choices would effect the world and the people in it.

Now, almost 40, I have no choice but to reevaluate how I live on this planet. How my actions have consequences and that no matter how much I don't want to believe it, I do make an impact on other people's lives. We all do. Each choice I consciously make has an effect on something or someone.

Last weekend, I spent some time working in the Berkshires. It was a joyous wonderful occasion, I got to work a Wedding. It was painstakingly planned out by the bride, every detail mastered before the big day. But of course, when an event is that perfectly planned...something must throw it's wrench in the cogs of the machine. It rained just as the ceremony was about to begin. At that moment, I went into high gear, rearranging everything from chairs, to plants, flowers, etc... I was on. In the end, it was a beautiful ceremony, under a tent, and everyone had a joyous time as they witnessed the happy couple getting married.

This is not so different than life as it is. Expectations can be planned and planned, but the outcome is always a mystery.

While in the Berkshires this past weekend, I spent a good amount of time in Great Barrington, picking up supplies, buying water and food, etc... Driving around, it brought me back to a happy time in my life. Four summers ago, we had a little house in Great B where we spent a week as a happy family. As I cruised through town, I found another and another place where we spent time enjoying ice cream, shopping for goodies, strolling through town....memories of a time when we were good. When things with us were great. I'm a big sap. My ability to dive deep into sentimentality is enormous. And that's exactly what I did, dove head first into feelings about my marriage, my little family and my past and mourned the loss of it all. It gave me insight, and a little more closure.

For whatever reason, I've had a bunch of encounters the past few weeks, bringing various aspects of my life Full Circle. Giving me closure, helping me to get a little closer to taking a bigger step into a new way of life and a new way of thinking. I've learned many lessons of late, discovered great things about my capabilities and my ability to be compassionate, loving, caring, attentive and present.

It's still a little difficult to grasp that I'm turning 39 in just a few days. It sounds like this giant number. But, if I look at it from the numerology point of view, if it's my 9th year in my cycle...I'm in for a great treat, and may this year completely surpass the year I turned 30. I have a funny feeling, it just might...but No Expectations, no expectations here...lol.