Earlier this week, I came to the realization that I must release the will and the insanity, and hand it over. It is time to Surrender.
Surrender, now that is a word that most use when they are losing the battle. It's a war term. Not a term of peace, or is it? If I am to find the peace inside of me, I need to end the war I am having with myself. It is time to take my will out of the picture, and let the universe guide me to where I need to be.
When I take my determination for control out of the equation, good things happen for me. I am a great manifester, when I am calm and in a positive place with myself.
In the past few weeks, my insanity has arisen in many forms. My past pains have crept up to haunt me. Determination has sabotaged the good stuff, and held me back from finding the the path I seek towards an easier way of life. My inner psycho loves the drama, obsession, control and feeds on the scars and painful old wounds deep inside.
For many years, I squashed the loud chaos of my inner psycho, with a lot of weed. Oh, how the stoner me was so laid back, chill, cool and calm. Without the substance, she takes on another form. She is loud, and sad, filled with self-pity and insecurity I never recognized before.
She needs a hug. She hurts deeply and cries loudly.
Letting go of my will is not easy, but if I visualize my inner psycho…I know I don't want her to have control anymore. Who is this inner psycho? She is the sick me, the willful me, the grand saboteur, the one who tells me I still want to get high now. She's the obsessed crazy person I've succumbed to for such a long time. She is a pretty girl, loads of fun, an extremist, an attractive being, but what she attracts….I no longer want.
And so I ask the universe to take away my insanity, and in the process, I hand over my inner psycho. I've handed her over, she is no longer mine to nurture. I know she can't go far, because she is very much a part of me and what got me to this place.
I know she won't go far. She is my disease, my illness. I embrace her, as one would embrace a troubled child. If I can find it in my heart to love her unconditionally, in turn, I love myself, and forgive myself.
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Crazy by Seal -
In a church by the face
He talks about the people going under
Only child know
A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes there for
Is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on that breaking wall
I see you my friend and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little
Cray cray crazy
Crazy are the people walking through my head
One of thems got a gun to shoot the other one
And yet together they were friends at school
Get it, get it, get it, yeah!
If all were there when we first took the pill
Then maybe then maybe then maybe then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little
Crazy
No no we'll never survive unless we get a little bit
A man decides to go along after seventy years
Oh darlin
In a sky full of people only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
Crazy
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly
Ain't that crazy
Oh babe Oh darlin'
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
Isn't that crazy Isn't that crazy Isn't that crazy
Ohh
But we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy crazy
No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little crazy
But we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy crazy
No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little crazy
No no never survive unless we get a little bit
And then you see things
The size of which you've never known before
They'll break it
Someday
Only child know
Them things
The size
Of which you've never known before
Someday
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