Wednesday, September 21, 2011

crazy sexy Elissa Jane

about six months ago, I had the opportunity to meet Kris Carr at her office here in Woodstock.  I left with a handful of stuff, books, DVDs more books.  the Crazy Sexy stack of stuff moved around my room starting with my nightstand next to my bed, to a chair at the food of the bed and eventually, to the big book shelf out in the living room with my stacks of other books. 

and when I put them on on that big book shelf.... I decided I'd just leave them there.

since my last very sad post on this blog, I've spiraled down further... letting go of and losing my spirituality, quitting the gym, freezing the yoga.... three months of choosing NOT to take care of myself anymore.  I felt that if 'he' wouldn't love me, I wasn't worth loving.  I called myself a sham, and wanted out of my dharma practice because I felt I was unworthy.

in these past three months, I quit on myself.  a turning point came last week.  I wrote about it in my Death Becomes Her blog

this past weekend, I happened upon my Crazy Sexy Diet book.  OMG, did Elissa Jane say Diet?  Oh hell no, I didn't.  I dusted it off and began turning pages.  The next day, I took myself to the Emerson Spa for a day of me, detoxing, getting rubbed and primped and scrubbed.  I napped in that yummy spa robe in the sun on the deck.  It was all about me.  and the day after that, it began. 

I got my first juicer.  shoving veggies into it brought me such joy.  so I'm doing this thing, yeah, a diet thing.  it's kind of cool because I'm not really thinking of it as a diet but as a chance to re-worship ME.  my morning elixers are delicious gifts from the green goddess.  I'm caring for myself from the inside out.  the Zman was downing doughnuts next to me and all I could think about was kale chips from my own oven.  a continental shift in my thinking has taken place.

I'm mindful of EVERYTHING for the first time in a long time and that mindfulness includes... what I'm eating because I have decided to Love ME again. 

the scale doesn't lie, I gained over 15lbs this past summer.  there is a physical indicator of how much I hated on me for the choices and changes I tried to make and failed at.  but I'm not a failure.... I'm a freaking Rock Star!  so I'm going to treat myself like one all over again. 

perhaps this sort of goddess self-worship journey has to have curves and downturns, otherwise, there's no way to commend myself for the work it takes to be loving and fabulous to myself. 

I hit the meditation cushion for the first time in so long.  I'm not beating myself up, but noticing how unstill my mind has become without training.  instead of getting frustrated, I remind myself that I'm like a newbie all over again.  practice is for me to practice being still, again. 

I had no idea I could be so perky in the morning without coffee.  this kale greenie juice thing gives me a lot of inspiration, it tastes so good and feels so amazing as the juice is making contact with the insides of me.  don't worry, I'm NOT fasting, I'm back to clean vegan eating, lots of local fruits and veggies to enjoy. 

Juice joyful combo of the day:

Bit O Ginger
6 Local Kale Stalks
Handful of Local Blackberries
1 Local Beet
1 Green Local Apple
1 Cucumber
1/2 Lemon Juice

Well, it's officially the end of Day 3.  Tomorrow, I wake up and continue on the journey of me. 

2 comments:

ali said...

i fully believe what you put in your body comes out of it in one form or another whether that be acne or foul thoughts or smiles or grumpy disposition. AND i think loving yourself is a life long journey and relationship. like all other relationships it takes work to make it good. i think you are awesome.

craig said...

You inspire me Elissa. PS: Don’t forget the protein.