never forget

as I awake from a very uncomfortable night....
as I think of my petty problems and my heartbreaks and issues....
as I suffer in my concerns about the little bits of my life....
I awake...to a child crying....it's 5am...
he crawls into bed next to me, warm and whimpering....
he presses up against me for comfort... afraid of his bad dreams...
he sleeps, while I lay awake, wrestling down the thoughts in my mind...

then I look at my clock
I am reminded of what today's date is....

seven years ago....at this time... people were on their way to the airport, getting up for work, putting on a tie, working out at the gym, boarding planes...not knowing the fate that would befall them later that day.

seven years ago, we were in bed...snuggling and comfortable. we were filled with excitement about the future and the big choices we made for it just days hours before. the future had seemed so bright, our plans so adventurous and exciting.. plans that would never happen, a life we didn't have....

today, I remember... getting the call from my employee screaming that she refuses to go to work because a plane just hit one of the Twin Towers. I remember jumping out of bed, naked, just having been with my husband, switching from joy to something fearful and terrifying.

each year, the memory returns, of a day I often try to explain to people who weren't here.

we witnessed everything from our back windows of our apartment in Brooklyn. from the streets. from the little coffee shop around the corner of our house. plumes of toxic smoke crawling over our house....people coming over the bridge, covered in white and black dust, carrying their shoes, looking like Zombies, smoke plumes filling the air with death and destruction.

there was a girl sitting next to me, I held her as she repeated over and over in shock covered in soot...."Wait, where am I?"

the chaos, the filth, the mayhem, the displaced souls, death, uncertainty, war had come to lower manhattan, to my back door.

Yes, today is September 11th. We are supposed to go on with our lives today, act as though it doesn't effect us. Show "them" that they haven't paralyzed us.

today is the day I ask, did this Osama Bin Laden guy really do this? and if so, why the hell didn't they get him in his cave yet? what the fuck are we doing in Iraq? why aren't we finishing the job we had to do in Afghanistan? why hasn't someone impeached George Bush? why, why, why, why..... why....

if you believe in the unknown, they you will believe me when I tell you that my son... his soul is a reincarnation of one of the souls who died that day.

so as I pull him close, and thank god for the miracle he is.... I must always remember how he got here. he was not meant to go and come back so quickly. I am blessed he is mine. I am blessed he is here, but at who's expense?

people weren't meant to lose children, husbands, friends, family and loved ones that day.

seven years ago, I was brought to my knees at the corner of Pacific Street and Bond in Brooklyn, where I cried alone...I can still recount the feeling of pain as my body collapsed underneath me and my knees came in contact with the hard filthy pavement....where a homeless guy picked me up.... in tears and bleeding, hobbling down the street to get home...mentally and physically lost...

the world, as we knew it, as I knew it, my life, was forever altered that day...and no, I do not fully believe that this was God's Plan, not in the slightest.... yet, I have to believe...I don't know what to believe...

here I am... a million worlds away from that day... but.... I will never forget.

Never Forget.